I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
