I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
