Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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