If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
