i just made my gag reflex go away.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
