I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
