Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
