i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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