the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
