It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
