You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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