I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The uberlube is also flammable
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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