Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
