im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
