He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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