I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
