Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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