you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
