I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
