This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
