Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
