The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
