Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
