So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
