She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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