my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
