Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
