Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
