I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
