I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
