You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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