Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
