I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
