We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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