Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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