Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
