I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
