I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
