Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
