soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
