i wish my penis had a tongue
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
