My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
