you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
