i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I CAN MOONWALK!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
