To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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