I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
