Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
