I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
