Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
