My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
