So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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