So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
