Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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