i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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