How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I want her autograph on my taint
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
