he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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