I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
