I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
