Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
