dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
