I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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